You can find him in RV parks, you can see him grilling wearing his new balance shoes. More importantly you can’t stop hearing conspiracy theories, be it in person or on Twitter or the main platform Facebook, he has mastered the art of critical thinking. Ah yes friends, this is the conspiracy boomer!
Break Free from the Matrix
Have you ever watched V for Vendetta? Well he has been for the past two decades. He is a wanted man, for his utmost rebellion and dangerous set of information accumulated from the Alex Jones show Info Wars. The conspiracy boomer is a lonely man, left with his elevated thoughts in a world of sedated collective.
Open your eyes brother, the frogs are all gay. The moon is a hologram and space is fake. Australia doesn’t exist, they’re all paid actors. Operation paperclip, the 1947 Roswell UFO crash, the lizard people. The conspiracy boomer’s mind is bombarded with righteous questions that are maliciously kept hidden from the eyes of the public.
The New World Order
This Midwestern specimen finds himself in a noble fight against an elite group of satanic beings seeking to gain full dominance over all creatures of god. Still unsure whether these beings are lizard or demonic in nature, The conspiracy boomer aspires to break free from the prison of liberalism.
Day after day, the elite introduce a new apparatus to reduce his freedom. To ridicule the sheer value of the first amendment. The elite have asserted their dominance over this flat earth with witty new tactics. And the latest tool in the shed, CRYPTO!
The Damned Crypto
Not to break the 4th wall but honestly, the best character for his son will be The Trader Bro.
The legend holds that the conspiracy boomer’s son tried to explain the Blockhain network to him one day. Apparently, it took approximately 120 minutes or in the boomers measuring system 3 screaming eagle flights. Following that, the boomer (obviously) didn’t understand a thing but came out well-opinionated regarding the issue at hand.
With a verdict so sharp and decisive, the boomer of conspiracies declared his disapproval of cryptocurrencies on Facebook.
“The commies have come up with a new plan, the elite are making firmer grips, cryptocurrencies will open the gates of hell for our great country. #Q”
Another legend holds that he tried to convince his son to cash out all his bitcoins and buy property. It took approximately 2 screaming eagle flights but failed eventually.
The Conspiracy Boomer Community
Drop becomes the ocean as the conspiracy boomer community find each other on Facebook. Despite their strong animosity toward Mark Zuckerberg (fair), their collective power trumps Zuck’s ability to silence them.
Honestly, the Boomer community is fun, but most importantly didactic. Join the path of the awakened and lend a hand in the righteous fight.
The devil’s knocking at your door each day as you are in a deep slumber. The aliens are in contact with governments and climate change is an excuse to oppress the freedom. The vaccine passport and masks are the latest agenda to make you a compliant, obedient slave according to conspiracy boomers.
Disclaimer
The following story is not directly calling out on any specific individual. Even though it might sound like someone you know, it is only a light-hearted (hopefully) comedic story intended for entertainment purposes. The conspiracy theories that are named in this story are all questionable statements that have proven to possess no evidence regarding their existence.
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