A true prophet, a guiding hand through the brutal chains of block, a beacon of hope for the weary; welcome, to the tale of the crypto foreteller.
He could be a bro, he could be a gentleman, but he is always trying to help. In an ever perplexing world of fearful and greedy decisions, the crypto foreteller sheds light on the path. His first and foremost passion is to give people the result of his careful calculations and predictions. The foreteller has done his homework; he has the signals that would lead you and I to redemption.
Blessed be the Crypto Foreteller
As of where you can find him, barbershops, DMV, Walmart or generally wherever a stranger can approach you to start a random conversation. Their impressive wealth of knowledge stuns you before you make any words. And that is the point, you don’t really get to say a word, they talk fast and they talk plenty.
“Bruh, I’m telling you, Bitcoin is gonna hit $1 million by the end of 2021.” Says the soothsayer. His predictions are wild, eccentric and spontaneous as he makes statements. He encourages you with sentences like, “how much longer can you work 40 hours a week? Just buy some *insert shitcoin* and retire early”. On top of everything, the primary characteristic of all crypto foretellers is that they will gain nothing from bestowing their signals upon strangers. The only thing that brings them joy is to spread the good word of financial consultation to strangers.
The Sources of Crypto Foreteller
These rhetorical nightmares will corner you with long one-sided conversations of crypto prophecies. But the question is, how do they know?
In that regard, the source of their information varies from one to another. Some use logic, be it a deeply flawed one at that. The logical ones tend to use Aristotelian logic, in a way that makes Aristotle shake, shiver and shriek in his grave. “Bro, Bitcoin used to be worth less than a dollar, in five years it will be worth no less than $10 million, Satoshi had a vision” says the Foreteller.
However, there are those who utilize their pure intuition. Though they lack in knowledge, they know it in their hearts. Their spidey senses tingles before the bull runs commence. Listening to them is more of a faith-based matter, as you have to open your third eye to really comprehend their signals. They will tell you “Bro, just sell your car and buy Shiba, Elon Musk has a vision, there is something big coming”.
The third kind however, is the one who is inductively aware of the market. Yes, he has a cousin who works in Binance headquarters who has hear from the man Changpeng Zhao himself that BNB is about to flip Bitcoin. In terms of his cousins, they all work in super important organizations who hold top secrets. For some reason though, they tell the dude what will happen in the future.
Diversity in Identity
The crypto foreteller is perhaps only a genre in the crypto community. They can be dedicated to different sects of crypto stereotypes. They can be the Trade Bro, or they can be the Shitcoin Soldier. All that matters is, to promote and encourage their wise words of knowledge. You and I are the ones chosen to be blessed by the coffee breath of these talkative schmucks.
Disclaimer
The following story is not directly calling out on any specific individual. Even though it might sound like someone you know, it is only a light-hearted (hopefully) comedic story intended for entertainment purposes. Investors need to be careful about taking financial advice from others. We do not intend to make fun of any person for their investment decisions or use derogatory terms to describe them. This is all comedy.
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